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Beginning the journey - supporting a surrogate.

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Posted 3/26/2005 6:18 PM

Junior Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 10/13/2005
Posts: 5

Ok,

Well we had begun the journey to being a surrogate couple. Oh sure, she will be the surrogate, but as I have done research of my own, I've come to realize that there is VERY little that I've seen that talks about and deals with the issues and concerns of the surrogate's husband.

Well, I am that husband and I have issues and concerns too. As such, I'm setting up a wiki site so that the IM (Intended Mother), IF (Intended Father?), the surrogate, and I can keep a log and journal of the issues we face, the concerns we have and the emotions and events we experience.

So what AM I called?? what *IS* my title. "That guy who is married to the surrogate?" It appears that people consider surrogacy something between three people. Maybe if a surrogate is single, that's the case, but not in our case -- and I bet not in MOST cases.

Hmm.. well. I guess I'll wait and see how active this forum is before pouring out the ol 'heart and soul'.

--
Richard ( not the IM/IF/IP.. not the surrogate...and seemingly without a name(or title))

IP Logged

Posted 3/27/2005 8:32 AM

Forum Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 8/11/2005
Posts: 12

I've noticed that it's not very active!!Wants to be a mum

IP Logged

Posted 3/27/2005 9:36 AM

Forum Newbie

Group: Forum Members
Active: 4/18/2005
Posts: 3

Hi Richard.

I know your technical abbreviation is "DH" but im not sure what the D stands for. The H would have to be husband. I'll try find out and let you know.

For one thing, I think you guys are hugeley important. Its your support and encouragement that keep the dream of becoming parents for people like myself alive.

Thank you and good luck on your surro journey.

Shaun

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Posted 3/27/2005 10:52 AM

Junior Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 10/13/2005
Posts: 5

>I know your technical abbreviation is "DH" but im not sure what
>the D stands for. The H would have to be husband.

Ok, so it's not Designated Hitter..uh....husband.

Well, I've done some poking around the 'net and come up with Darling Husband. Unfortunately, I see MANY people using that abbrv. I even saw an IM (intended mom) refer to her darling husband (DH).

What about SDH (Surrogate's Darling Husband). [Oh yay, I get to be a darling husband. DARLING. hmm Darling?]

so... we have IM, IF, SM and DH...ok that's a start. I'm feeling the need for a glossary.

More later on MY concerns...I'm being summoned by one of MY little munchkins. HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE

--
Richard

IP Logged

Posted 3/30/2005 10:25 PM

Forum Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 7/11/2005
Posts: 12

Richard, DH stands for Dear Husband or Darling Husband and everyone uses it. When corresponding with my friends, I use DX for my ex-husband .. but THAT "D" doesn't stand for either of those! hahaha If this site isn't active enough, check out allaboutsurrogacy.com .. I know they have an active Husbands Only area.

There is also a site that you can go to ... the owner of the above-mentioned site sells surrogacy items. Even for husbands! Cool t-shirts and sweatshirts and baseball caps. Too bad I'm not married (oops ... so my arrangement is a 3-way arrangement) .. but most of the surrogates seem to be married and/or in steady, serious relationships.

Hope this helps!!

Lisa A.
TS x 1 Twins! (1/21/03)
GS x 1 Pregnant w/ 1 Little Baby (due 11/05/05)
Mom to Tony 16/Stefani 14

IP Logged

Posted 3/31/2005 3:14 AM

Junior Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 10/13/2005
Posts: 5

What about when an IM refers to her spouse as DH! That seems to muddy the waters.

I'm really thinking about using SH (Surrogate's Husband). I'm a non-conformist (hence this journey into the realm of surrogacy) and I don't see why I should stop now.

Clear lines, people! Clear lines! With all the confusion and decisions to make..I'm struggling to find every bit of black and white that I can!

'course....I'll have to setup my signature to include a glossary! hahahahha

OK..well tomorrow I'll ask my first 'surrogacy' related question. For now, it's good night to all!

--
Richard (the non-conformist), SH

IP Logged

Posted 4/8/2005 3:29 PM

Forum Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 8/12/2005
Posts: 13

Hi Richard!!

There is a semi-active forum for Men via Surrogacy no matter if IF's or Husbands/Partners/Boyfriends of Surrogates on allaboutsurrogacy.com overall the site is very active but there are also a few Men which post to lend support and share their feelings with one another too

Adelle

27 year old Mommy of 3 and TS x's 1 to *S*

IP Logged

Posted 10/4/2005 10:14 AM

Junior Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 10/17/2005
Posts: 7

I know this area is for the guys but my husband is having trouble with me wanting to be a surrogate mother. He doesn't want me to be pregnant and said that he was afraid of getting emotionaly attached to the baby as it grows. I truly truly want to do this and I don't know how to convince him this is not only a good thing but the right thing. HELP!

IP Logged

Posted 10/12/2005 9:50 PM

Junior Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 10/13/2005
Posts: 5

Go back and read what you wrote. If HE is not comfortable with it, then it's NOT a good thing for you guys to do. That's pretty black and white, but I feel this is a subject that is already in SOooOoOOOo much gray area.

BTW, My wife and I have resolved the delivery room issue. I'll have to post that... but later. We are finalizing the contract as I type and are all set for a Dec. IVF. [what's the part where they place the egg called? If IVF is the fertilization of the egg...then that's done 5 days before the 'planting' -- hmm -- planting.....wonder if we have to worry about the frost! ]

--
Richard

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Posted 10/13/2005 11:20 AM

Junior Member

Group: Forum Members
Active: 10/17/2005
Posts: 7

Well, the husband problem is over. After I spoke with him more it turns out allot of his problem was shallow. I lost 30lbs last year and he was afraid that I would ruin all that hard work. He is totaly on board with this now and we will be meeting the IP's in 2 weeks. After 11 1/2 years together I knew that it was just something small but he didn't want to talk about it. All good now! Sorry to have intruded on the Husbands only talk. Thanks guys.

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